There are many little statements that I have learned to use over the years to help me keep my thoughts balanced so that stressful events don't affect me as they would otherwise. They help me maintain a sense of harmony when everything else is going wrong or feeling chaotic. I understand that thoughts direct actions and thoughts can also create feelings. For example, imagine that you are driving down the freeway in a convertible. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing in your hair and you are having a great day.
Suddenly the phone rings. You answer it only to be told that the IRS is conducting an audit and they think you owe about $300,000.00 in penalties and back taxes. In an instant, your emotions change from feeling great to feeling blue, depressed and scared. Isn't it interesting to note that nothing external has actually changed? The sun is still shining, the top is down and the wind is still blowing in your hair. However, your state of emotions has changed abruptly and regardless of what is going on around you your emotional feelings are completely different based upon one phone call. The only thing that changed was that you received certain words that threatened your sense of security and now you went from feeling great to feeling miserable. Can you now see how words can affect emotion? That would mean that how you filter information when you first get it determines your state of happiness.
I want to share some of my own approaches to dealing with stress and teach you different ways in which you can walk through the darkest hour and end up feeling more uplifted rather than depressed. Do you think of yourself as a stress eater? Have you ever told anyone you're an emotional eater? If so, then pay attention to what I'm about to share with you because this could actually change your life. For starters let's understand what an emotion is. Emotions are a warning sign or signal indicating that you need to be prepared for an upcoming stress. They are nothing more and nothing less. Emotions are like a light going off telling you that something uncomfortable is about to happen. The key is to ask yourself exactly what emotion you're experiencing. Is it tiredness? If so, take a nap or get to bed earlier. Is it fear? If so, action cures fear. Address it immediately instead of waiting days or weeks to fix the problem. Once you take action and address the fear, it loses its power over you and you will tend to eat less. Is it anger? If so, what are you angry about? By asking yourself these simple questions it takes your mind off of food and centers it on the real root of the problem so that you now can take action to solve your problems.
I guess two of the biggest questions are, "why do I eat when I'm feeling stress," or "I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm doing it anyway?" The truth about why you reach for food is because grabbing for food is your attempt to achieve a mood change. Let's face it--food can give you a mood change, but only temporarily. Logically you know the food does nothing to change the stressful situation and that you're left with weight gain, reduced self esteem and whatever stresses you felt still remain. The goal is to find a new way to achieve a mood change that does not involve food. Could a massage make you feel better and gave you a mood change? Or how about getting a manicure or a good work out? A mood change could even be a warm bath that soothes your soul and relaxes you until you finally get past the stressful event. The key here is to get a mood change from something that brings a positive, not a negative.
Perhaps the most important goal to overcoming stress and emotional eating is to change the filter that you are using whenever something happens to you. Let's face it. Two people could go through the exact same stressful situation and both come out with different attitudes and outlooks. One person is incapacitated and depressed because of the stressor, the other feels they learned something of value and sees what happened as a good thing. So how can you get to that place where you can go from a stress eater to a positive state of mind? Well, one way is to use your thoughts differently and make the stress work for you rather than against you. The title of this article is, "What Is, Is" because those words summarize a basic Buddhist philosophy that can help you take your thoughts from the negative over to the positive and help reduce your stress level. To make sense of this simple statement let me explain it with a few examples. For starters, the more you try to resist what is, the more turmoil and angst you will end up creating for yourself. One must learn to accept the basic fundamental truth of what is in order to quit adding to their stress. For instance, one evening I went out to a local bar. I have my clothes tailor-made and that evening I wore a brand new shirt and pants that I had just picked up from my tailor. I walked into the bar at about 9PM and while standing there talking to my friends a guy bumps into me and spills his entire glass of red wine down the front of my shirt and all the way down my pants. Now, I had two choices. Choice number one would be to holler, punch and scream and be extremely emotional. Or choice number two would be to accept the basic fundamental truth that I am covered in red wine. Naturally, I choose choice number two because once I accepted that I was covered in wine and that there was nothing I could do or say to alter that, I felt calm and was able to handle the situation in a more logical manner. Many of you may find this hard to believe, but I actually bought him another glass of wine and told him not to worry about it because I wasn't going to give it another thought. My accepting the truth of what is, it didn't have any power over me or over my emotions. While it is true that other people looked at me the rest of the night, I also reframed their stares by making a joke out of it. I'd say something corny like, "I decided to wear my wine instead of drink it." Or, "I decided not to whine about it." I also reframed it by understanding that when people look at us, they're usually not looking at us thinking about us, but rather they're looking at us wondering what we're thinking about them. Once again, seeing what happened to me through a different filter meant that I ended up having a great time and stayed out of the emotional soup that would have ruined my evening.
By using good reframing techniques I have put some devastating experiences behind me and limited the negative impact that stress could have on my mind and body. For example, after my plane crash I could have taken the position that I would never leave my zip code ever again. However, for me, I view that experience as an incredible learning experience that has changed my life in many good ways. Think about that for a moment. Have you ever heard people say that a devastating illness or accident was the best thing that ever happened to them? If so, they obviously used the experience as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and therefore experienced personal growth that would have never occurred otherwise.
Another way I handle stressful events that are outside of my control is to tell myself that God must have a lesson to teach me, although I don't know what the answer to that lesson is right now, I'm willing to wait and learn. That simple saying has helped get me through major stressors like the passing of a family member and the suicide of my business partner.
Most people see change as a bad thing. How about changing that viewpoint over to "change is good?" Getting fired may seem like a bad thing at the time, but wasn't it a good thing when a year later you find yourself in a new job doing something you love and getting paid more? Using new thoughts can really change your reaction to stress. I've often told myself that God is moving the chess pieces on the big board of life and who am I to question his moves and strategies? Most people are not doing a good job at listening to how they are using words and talking to themselves. Consequently they feel helpless over stressful events by using negative inner words and language. You can choose to carry your own hell within you or choose to carry paradise around with you. The choice is yours to make and is ultimately determined by the words you say to yourself whenever stressful things happen.
