At some level we all engage in defective thinking to justify our behavior and get what we want. Have you ever been driving down potato chip lane in your supermarket only to reach out and grab a bag of chips and toss it into your shopping cart "just in case company comes over." Defective thoughts are defective because they "defect you" on some level. Defective thoughts are defective because on the surface the thought appears to bring you what you want, but in actuality it takes you further away from what you want. The thing you wanted "the chips" will now take you away from losing weight.  

 I've never met a client that sat down with a piece of chocolate cake in front of them and turned to the person next to them and said "gee, I hope I become massively obese in the next ten years." No-one consciously wants to become overweight, but rather it's a process that occurs over time. And within that process is a whole lot of defective thoughts. Thoughts that on the surface seem rational, but upon deeper investigation are really irrational.

Let me give you a few examples of some of the challenges that you may face when you try to change a behavior. John played with cocaine recreationally. He never really saw himself as having a drug problem. Then one day, during an evening of partying with friends, his heart begins to race, he turns white as a ghost, and his heart begins fibulating so badly that he's rushed to the hospital. While lying on the stretcher he realizes that he might die. He vows to god that if he survives he will never touch cocaine again.

Mary has been dating Todd. This is the guy she really wanted to marry and get old with. Never has she been more in love. One day, out of the blue, Todd breaks off the relationship and doesn't even offer her any explanation. The only thing that she can think of is that maybe he broke up with her because of her weight. Since they started dating, Mary has gained an extra 20 pounds. She talked about losing the extra weight on many occasions. But in her mind part of the fun of dating meant eating out, drinking wine and spending more time with her new boyfriend and less time working out. She is in such pain over the breakup that she immediately starts going back to the gym and dieting hoping to get him back.

Bob is a long term smoker. He has been smoking for 20 years, two packs a day. Yeah, he's heard about all the horror stories and knows that smoking causes cancer. But he grew up in a household of smokers. Both his parents smoked. Besides, he rationalizes and tells himself that cancer is something that happens to other people. Bob is 39 years old. One day he gets a call that his mother has lung cancer. He spends every day at the hospital by his mother's bedside and watches how cigarettes are taking away his moms life. After watching her slow, painful death, he throws down the pack of cigarettes and vows to give up smoking on the spot. He swears he will never touch another cigarette for the rest of his life.

In the three examples that I just mentioned, John, Mary and Bob all have something in common; they all became emotionally aroused regarding their problem behavior. Many people that have embarked on a program of self change will often tell you that something happened that made them a bit more passionate about changing an undesirable behavior. Maybe you can relate to the examples I gave or on the other hand, maybe you have your own story. Maybe someone said something about your weight that made you really mad. Or you saw a picture of your self and became really frightened because you didn't recognize yourself. Maybe you lost your job or became divorced from drinking too much. Becoming emotional can really push people into making change and you would think that stories like the ones I mentioned would have a much higher success rate of change than people that are not so emotionally aroused. But have you ever been emotionally charged about something and as time slipped away you found that your emotion eroded away and complacency took it's place?

The fact is, emotions can help a person start on the road to change, but it usually isn't the one thing that causes people to successfully change. Let me finish the stories I started earlier. Several months have passed since John has done cocaine. One night he is invited out to eat with friends. Right before dessert they all start reminiscing about the last time they all got high together and the talk about getting high causes John to really miss it. That night they end up at a bar and John is in the bathroom doing a few lines of coke. He reasons that since he hasn't done any cocaine in so long, he now has control over his behavior and this one time won't hurt.

Mary lost her weight after Todd left her. It took several months, but she did it. She fits into smaller clothes, loves the way she looks in the mirror and has been exercising regularly. She takes a new job which is very stressful. She no longer has the time to work out and her job demands that she entertain clients which means dining at some of the finer restaurants in town. After just two months, she's gained back the 20 pounds she lost and then some. She feels that she had no choice and that her job created problems that were beyond her control.

It's been two years since Bob has smoked. One night while drinking he decides to have just one cigarette. He rationalizes that he can handle it and one won't hurt. Two months later he's back up to two packs a day.

Can you spot the defective thoughts that led to each relapse? Have you ever wondered why relapses happen? I mean have you ever really sat back and looked at what's going on. Plain and simple, over time, there is an erosion of commitment followed by failure. Think about it. All negative behaviors at some level become our friends. These behaviors play important roles in our lives. Mary felt better when she ate. John used cocaine to make his life seem less boring and Bob smoked because it reduced his stress or made him feel cool. Nobody starts off eating food because they want to weigh 300 pounds. And nobody starts drinking with the intention of becoming an alcoholic. You see, former problems, especially addictive ones, hold some attraction even after the habit has been broken. And it's important to realize that you are going to be vulnerable to the problem behavior long after you think you=ve got it licked. Think about social pressures, defective thinking and special occasion! s and the risk that these things hold. Defective thinking is the root to Bob, John=s and Mary=s relapses. In each case they became overconfident and that caused a collapse in their judgment. For John, the sudden and unexpected appearance of cocaine was too much to take. He wasn't prepared and didn't expect to be exposed to the drug that night. Defective thinking allowed him to rationalize that he could handle it "just this once." For Mary, the stress of the new job and her desire to do well and not appear different caused her to rationalize that she had to order drinks and high fat food in order to entertain her clients properly. Defective thinking caused Bob to rationalize that he could have just one cigarette and stop.

Another thing that made it difficult was that as more and more time passes, people tend to forget the pain they felt in the past and focus or reminisce about the good times they had when they were engaging in the problem behavior. If you forget how hard it was to change, everything looks easier than it was and all your arguments against indulging, "just this once" will fail. Just remember this; erosion of one's commitment is subtle. It happens gradually, not usually all at once. First it starts off by you feeling stressed out so you decide one night not to go to the gym. As you sit at home in front of the TV, you find it easier than going to the gym. There seems to be a force behind every action just like there's a force behind inaction. So with one small thought like "I'll just watch the news," creates a force whereby you find yourself still watching TV three hours later. Once you stop exercising in favor of watching TV, how far are you from grabbing the half gallon of ice ! cream?

Success seems to come from your ability to check you thinking. Remind yourself of what made you so emotionally charged when you first decided you wanted to change something. Remember to check your thinking to see if you are being honest with yourself and consistent with your original goals. If you start to hear your inner voice telling you that it wasn't that hard to lose the weight, or smoking is better than gaining weight, beware that that kind of defective thinking is the beginning of failure. Change if viewed the wrong way is stressful. If it was so easy to do we would all do it without hesitation. But understand that just because you have changed a certain behavior, it may take a longer then you realize before you can honestly say you've succeeded.

In summation, a relapse usually begins with a series of mini decisions that creates a maxi-decision for you. These small thoughts that cause you to gain your weight back seem unattached to the outcome so that when you gain the weight back you seem baffled. It can start with a mini-decision like this; "I'll just stop carrying food to work this week, I'm really busy." Or, "I'll just eat out this week because I'm so busy and get back to cooking next week." Or; "I'll make the workout up after the holidays are over." At no time did you say "I want to gain my weight back." But can you see that those small decisions will end up creating a maxi-decision for you. What's the natural outcome of eating out more and pulling back on your workouts? You never intended to gain weight, your only intention was to adjust your program because of your schedule. So when your weight goes up you may feel that the weight gain was not your fault. The key, pay attention to your mini-decisions and make! sure you are clearly connected to the outcome of those decisions.